The Chocolate

I love cell phones . . . or, should I say, mobile phones.

The communicatory accessibility cell phones deliver sends delighted shivers down my networking spine. I love the fact that anyone who knows my number can grab me by the sleeve whenever they want. On the flip-phone-side, I loathe those ignoramuses who spend their hard earned money on a mobile phone that resides in the land of “Lost,” or “Turned Off” ninety percent of its day.

Still, despite my adolescent-like crush on mobile phones, even they can tick me off. Normally I’m upset at the person who owns the phone, or the network that slings the phone’s signal, but today I’m upset at that matchbox-sized devil. I recently purchased the new Chocolate by LG. Let me say I’ve always loved LG’s, and even though the first Chocolate had some issues to work through, I heard they were improving on their faux pas. I had faith LG would pull through for me. And they did. The antifeatures that caused b.c.Chocolate owners to smash their phones in rage have been reworked on their A.D.Chocolate counterparts. In short, the hardware rocks . . . but the problem lies in the software.

My woes started this way. I wanted an I-Pod . . . very badly. I also needed a new phone . . . very badly. Well, how could I find  more perfect marriage of phone and MP3 player than the Chocolate? Inexpensive, yet rock’n. So I bought the Maroon Confection, but instead of euphoric groans of exstacy I found myself brushing up on a wide array of euphemisms. The MP3 software is atrocious! Converting songs, downloading them on to the phone, arranging them into playlists, actually playing the music itself . . .  AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Normally a phone’s programming is amazing even though the phone itself breaks down a year before your “New Every Two” kicks in. The Chocolates system is agonizingly weak. Verizon (which I adore as a mobile provider- p.s. congratulations commercial, bespectacled-Verizon guy on the birth of your T.V. baby!) advertises that you can put 4 gigs of music on your phone. But to actually labor through the eternal process of downloading that many songs on your Chocolate would sever the cerebral cortex and drive the user into an unrecoverable state of incensed insanity.

I saw only one way to rectify my problem. Since I loved the Chocolate’s features as it applied to phone usage, I kept the phone. But when it came to music, I bought an I-Pod.

The Post-Holiday Post

Well, it’s over.

I hope none of you are the kind of people who want to commit suicide the first of the year. It’s sad, but January is a seriously depressing month for average America. Why? The answer lies in our twisted thinking.

Too many human beings live for nothing. I don’t feel like bringing up a quasi-scientific debate or a religion-celebrating harangue, but honestly people, if all we did was evolve from monkeys . . . what’s the point of life? There is no point. That’s why corporate America lives for weekends, holidays, and vacations. People pour themselves into an imagined, forecasted event. They spend all their money preparing for the event, psych themselves into an anticipated lather, but when it’s all said and done; when the carbonated fizz of expectation has misted away to reveal the brownish reality . . . so they jump off of an expressway. The dream didn’t pan out. The vacation wasn’t long enough. It wasn’t fun enough. I’m broke because I spent too much on presents. I drank to much. Can that be all there is?

Yes my friends, if you evolved from a monkey then that’s all there is. But, if you have a higher purpose in life you can revel in the fact that there are a million more important things in life to pour yourself into than a 2 week vacation over Christmas. Enjoy the time off, but don’t contemplate ending your cousin-to-a-monkey-life because the sole goal of your existence didn’t seem as glittery up close.

It’s 2008 people! Make something of your life! The weekends will come and go, but it’s in the day-to-day grind (in the little things) that your life will find true meaning. If you don’t live for the weekend you’ll enjoy it that much more.

Happy New Year!